I recently lost a dear friend of mine. Honestly, I struggled with what hurt most, knowing he was gone or the way I found out.
Before his death, we were in an awkward space, navigating our relationship. After talking to him briefly throughout January of 2022, I texted him on January 29, 2022, checking on him. To see how he was doing and managing with classes and life. He died on January 25, 2022. I did not find out until February 3, 2022. That entire brief period of him not responding troubled me. It was unlike him to not respond even if I was “getting on his nerves” (lol). Ironically, I thought I had lost a friend, that he possibly was angry, and opted not to respond. Little did I know that I truly did lose him. I found out about his death on the day of his funeral after the funeral had begun. It was nothing I could do. The helplessness I displayed on the outside was nothing compared to the momentous grief I felt on the inside.
The brief time I knew him, he significantly impacted my life. He was a friend, a bother, one of my loved ones. He was called ironman affectionally by his family but what was most beautiful about him was his “Tony Stark.” The beauty of his gentle spirit and his ministry of “grace.” Which I keep reciting, in my memory of him— his talks about grace. He was a champion of grace- everyone deserved it, and everyone needed it.
I loved him. And losing a loved one is difficult. I constantly questioned God: “Why him?” “He’s one of the good ones.” “Why this way?” “He’s too young!” I can tell you that he lived a beautiful and impactful life. That he lived full and loved hard, especially God. This is what got me through. Knowing that he lived and strived to live a Godly life- and he did. My loved one inspires me to step deeper into my own ministry and stop “fooling around” that it is time for me to stand up. In one of our last conversations, he encouraged me to keep going in school and that God has got me. He told me he was excited about this semester in seminary. His excitement embodies the soul of who he was. He was excited about his family, children, ministry, Iota brothers, loved ones, and God!
Le Le, you taught me that death, although painful, can be beautiful. That death can be life-altering in a way that produces the greater fruit of God’s kingdom. The kind of man you were is encouraging me not only through your life but through your death. I love you man, and I greatly appreciate having you in my life. You taught me death can teach you about self. It can teach you greater things in the Lord. One of them is that feelings and faith can coincide, that Jesus wept for Lazarus, although he knew he would be brought back to life. If Jesus wept for his loved one who he knew would be brought back to life, then we can weep for our loved ones when we know that “to be absent from their bodies, are to be present with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:8). I love you Leo, and enjoy Heaven!
Signed with love,
Evangelist (as you loved to call me.)
A Journey to Summer 