My dating life use to feel like an abstract painting, filled with random lines and colors, then left to interpretation. Recently, I learned that my dating life is a masterpiece drawn by God, filled with His vision and intentionality. An abstract painting has no intention or vision in-mind, but masterpieces, are thought out–perfected. For the word says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”(Jeremiah 29:11). God KNOWS his intention for our life, including dating.
I want to share with you all, what I’ve learned concerning God and dating:
1. Do not take it personal.
I know. I know he didn’t call even though he said he would. I know she didn’t do this even though she promised. And I know he curved you even though things seemed promising, but my friend, do not take what people do or say personal. Why?–Why would you? If someone decides not to text you back, or they decided to not do something or to do something, that is their choice, it has nothing to do with you. Taking things personal leaves you to only analyze things on the surface and not go beyond your understanding. God intends for us to use the Holy Spirit, wisdom, and discernment.
2. Do not write a story.
Piggybacking off my first point, if someone does not text you back, one thing we like to do is create a story as to why. “Maybe I said the wrong thing?” “Did they lose interest?” Maybe he’s busy?’ “Maybe she thinks I’m doing something wrong?”- do not do it. The fact of the matter is you do not know. You honestly do not know why someone is not texting you back or calling you and it is not for you to “figure it out.” Just take it for what it is currently; all you know is that James did not reply, or Sarah left you on read. Taking things as what they are presently, keeps you focused on you and readily able to hear and discern the truth. Is stops you from what- ifing.
3. Judge their fruit, not their garden.
You can have a beautiful garden but it can bear sour fruit. This person may look good, talk good, and even smell good, but their fruit could be contradictory. Continuing with the last two points, it’s easy to say “James did not text me back, he’s playing games and he’s childish, therefore I do not like him. Or he needs to grow up, and he does not know a good woman when he sees one!” But what is not easy, is taking it a step further, looking past our interpretations and examining his fruit. Instead of creating a story, then assigning him as the character, let us judge his fruit instead.
Example:
Situation: James has inconsistent communication.
Quality of fruit: James fruit shows that he is inconsistent.
Not jumping to conclusions: What is producing James’s inconsistency? He mentioned through conversation that he has been stressed out because of a new job and is trying to find ways to relieve the stress and prioritize his day. His inconsistency is coming from his stressful schedule; thus he is in the process of learning to prioritize his life.
Taking it to God: God, how is this man attached to my purpose in your kingdom, if in any way? Give me discernment on how to move if I should move and if my discernment is true. And God give me grace, to learn how to handle him.”
See how I did that? I did not leave it at my feelings of “he did not text me back because he is childish,” I went deeper and examined his fruit and the why; his hectic schedule is breeding inconsistency in his life because he has yet learned to prioritize. Although this is frustrating, I am not taking his inconsistency in communication personal, his inconsistency has nothing to do with me. Even if he “liked me more” (what you are probably thinking could be an issue) he would still be inconsistent. If he is inconsistent in his OWN life, he is not going to display a characteristic he does not have with anyone else.
4. Talk to God.
The worst thing you can do as a kingdom citizen that is dating or waiting to date, is not talk to God throughout the entire duration of the process. True understanding is knowing that a student can never know as much as the teacher especially when the teacher is also their creator. We all have learned some things on our journey, but we do not know our chapter 35 or the fullness of who we are. God does. Therefore, let us be humble and consult with him constantly. God knows who was created for His purpose in our lives, and who is for us.
5. Successful dating does not constitute marriage.
Let me explain. Of course there is an intentional way of dating that makes the transition with your future spouse smoother, but what I am talking about, is not acknowledging, that God is the one who decides when our single season is over, not us. The first act, is to define what successful dating is. Successful dating, is when you are choosing God and you. When you are more contempt with being single and at peace then being in a relationship that is in constant friction. And when your listening breeds seasons of fruitfulness, even if the relationship does not work out, God says no, or you discern they are counterfeit, it was still a success. I truly believe dating should not be regarded as a step-by-step recipe, that produces marriage, but it should be seen as a step-by-step process with God; the two of you walking out your specially crafted journey for you.
I hope these five lessons help you as you navigate dating. God loves you. He would never send anyone to hurt you, mistreat you, or confuse you. As believers, know that our success isn’t predicated on whether we are married, but it’s based on protecting our purpose and staying in step with God.
A Journey to Summer 