Choosing You

Choosing you—a concept I have not yet fully mastered, a belief system that God has led me to, and a lifestyle I am actively trying to live out.

I never thought I was worthy of choosing myself. Choosing you was a foreign concept, an intruder into my world. I remember in third grade; I finally mustered up the courage to send a love letter to my crush; it took him less than two seconds to “check no.” Around this time, I also remember feeling that my father always seemed to put me last, “Summer, let me get everything out of the way first.” “I can’t,” or any other excuse he seemed to have in his weaponry. It seemed as if those I cared about the most never chose me, so why would I choose me?

It was not until recently that I realized that I am worthy enough to choose myself. To ask boldly, or softly, of what I need in life. To tell life no when God says yes, and to take ownership over the yeses in my life. I know I did not stumble upon this revelation, considering it has been a journey of unlearning, relearning, and learning, better fruit, sweeter fruit, and the fruit of God.

I have recently been faced with two roads in my life. One road is the life I see wrapped in a vision gifted by God, and the other is a life that the world has painted, with brushes of agony, pain, and brokenness. Looking at those two paths and feeling the constant pull of both, a decision had to be made. I decided to choose God’s path, in turn, choosing me.

Choosing me is accepting who God created me and accepting the path that He has laid out before me. You may be thinking, “Well, duh, Summer, of course, you should “choose you and choose the path God has for you.” Think about it, though, how often do we one, choose what God has for us, and two, chose ourselves? Not often enough. The world, trauma, and life have a way of morphing the vision of life God has for us into a broken window pane, smearing the truth and bolstering the lies. It is God who reshapes it, prunes it, and puts us back on the right path to His vision for our life.

I want to encourage you to choose yourself. Even when unhappiness knocks, trauma calls up to see if you miss her when the world whispers bitter nothings in your ear and whenever Satan comes against you. I believe that the system of choosing self is choosing what God has for us. It can be scary, it is often not taught, and it feels uncomfortable, but trust the Lord and know that you are worthy enough to choose yourself.