Excerpt From My Diary

What am I trying to prove?
Day in and day out?
That I am resilient?
That I don’t fall when I trip?
That I can?
That perfection is my friend, and knowing-it-all raised me?
That my insecurities are not valid?
That the pain I feel isn’t real?
That the pain I feel isn’t normal?
There’s nothing new under the sun.
Why does it feel like it?
What am I doing?
Wallowing in fear?
Letting pain lead me?
Allowing then to keep me from next and forcing my now to be familiar?
Am I okay?
The constant battle of flesh? – Has it seized me?
Where am I?
Gone, beyond return?
What am I feeling?
Why can’t the choice of my life come with the approval of life?
Living for God and God living in you; two different beautiful monsters.
The atrocity of fear plagues me.
I just want to focus on my education, grow into my businesses and live happily ever after.
What’s stopping me?
Me.